#69 - Get Well Soon, Mallory!

Timeline
Halloween and Thanksgiving both happen in this book - so late fall of their 4th 8th grade/6th grade year.

Plot
It has been hinted for awhile that Mallory is sick. She was always too tired to do anything, couldn't sit up straight, etc. Finally one morning she wakes up and everything hurts, her throat is on fire and her temp is super high. Her mom takes her to the doctor, and it ends up she has mono. She is prescribed at least a month in bed.

The Pike family is invited to New York to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade with her mom's cousins. It's about a month out, so everyone is hoping Mallory is well enough to go. Also, The Pike parents tell Mallory that all she can do is rest and homework - so no BSC until she is completely better.

She bitches a lot about how bored she is, and then she realizes that the BSC is probably really struggling without her. They were already struggling since Dawn left for California. So at first Mallory tries to help out as much as she can from her bed. Then all of a sudden she is like "they need to kick me out, so I'll just be a dick to them so they do." She starts rumors about the BSC members to each other, she refuses to do anything, she is totally rude and mean to them all. But they are on to her and tell her they won't kick her out no matter how rude and terrible she is being.

For some reason, the BSC decides that since they are two members down and extremely busy, that this is the perfect time to take on a huge fucking project. They organize a Thanksgiving day event at Stoneybrook Manor. They put together baskets (which requires a huge fundraising campaign), and create a "Thanksgiving fair" with games and prizes. Of course they get everything done (in only like 12 days, which is ridic).

After the event, the go over to the Pike's and give Mallory her own personal Thanksgiving day fair. The Pike parents decide that Mallory is too sick to go to New York, so no one can go. At first everyone is pissy about it, but they seem to have a nice Thanksgiving at home. After that, Kristy comes over with a new BSC ad that they are putting out and asks Mallory if she wants her name on it. Mallory bites the bullet and says no. So she's out of the BSC for the time being.

Takeaways
For this Thanksgiving day fundraiser, all the neighborhood kids donate their allowances. It's very nice, but I don't know how realistic it is.

I hope the BSC members are keeping track of all the community service projects they are doing for their college applications.

When I was a senior in college I swore I had mono. It turns out I was just lazy.

Best Character
All the little kids who donate their allowances. And all the Pike kids who are super supportive of Mallory and don't bitch too much when they don't get to go to the Thanksgiving day parade in New York.

Worst Character
There isn't really a worst character in this book. Mallory is sick, so she gets a pass. The BSC is super patient and supportive. The Pike family is super patient and supportive.

#68 - Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter

Timeline
4th time through 6th/8th grade, and it's still fall - Buddy Barrett mentions that Halloween is right around the corner.

Plot
Dawn left for California for six months in the last book, and Mallory is annoyingly sick (always tired, but doesn't know what's wrong with her). The BSC is in TROUBLE. They have to call Logan and Shannon hundreds of times, and they've even had to TURN DOWN JOBS. Kristy is in total fucking panic mode. Jessi has a new friend, Wendy, who came over to her house and was really good with Becca and Squirt, so she suggest maybe they can invite her to join the club.

Wendy comes to a meeting, and then her and Jessi baby-sit the Barrett's together, and it all goes well so they ask her to join the club. Great. It all goes well for about a day. Then Wendy is 25 minutes late to a 30 minute meeting. Then she admits she is still taking jobs for her regular clients and not offering them to the club first. Then she is late for a sitting job with Jessi at the Pike's. Then she comes to a meeting and is pissed because she had to leave a Super Mario Brothers tournament to come to the stupid meeting. Kristy jumps down her throat, and Wendy is like fuck this and quits. So the club is back to square one.

The sub plot is that all the kids in Stoneybrook miss Dawn so they decide to put on a play and record it and send it to her. Little did they know, Dawn was making the same kind of thing for them. Aw. Then Dawn calls and the club starts to worry that she won't be coming back at all.

Oh, and another weird subplot is that Margo is a little thief - she's started shoplifting just to see if she can get away with it? Jessi sees her in action and tells her she has to tell her parents, which she doesn't, and then she tells Mallory who forces Margo to tell her parents. Mrs. Pike takes Margo to the store and makes her tell the manager. It's pretty good parenting.

Takeaways
I hate how every time the BSC needs to find new members, Kristy acts super bitchy and interrogates them about their sitting skills. It's like 1. Who the fuck made you queen of baby-sitting? and 2. You need them, bitch. That's why you asked them to come to the meeting. You need them way worse than they need you.

I understand that the club needs rules in order to function, but Kristy is a huge bitch about them to Wendy. No one tells her the rules. And then they act pissy when she breaks them.

And what do we think about Wendy having to tell all her previous clients (like her neighbors, basically), that now they have to wait until 530 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to call and set up an appt with her, and basically she may not get the job anyway? It just sucks bc the baby-sitters are so far up each other's asses that she can't even lie and just not tell them, because basically they think they should always know where each other are.

Like really, Jessi invited Wendy to join and she should have been the one to tell her the rules. So this whole thing is Jessi's fault.

I love how Mrs. Pike handled the shoplifting thing. No yelling, just making Margo own up to it.

Best Character
Mrs. Pike.

Worst Character
Jessi, for not explaining to Wendy what she was getting herself into. And Kristy, for not realizing she is operating a baby-sitting CLUB. It's not a fucking mega-million corporation, Kristy.

#67 - Dawn's Big Move

Timeline
School has started yet again, so it's the beginning of the fourth 8th grade year.

Plot
School has started again, business is booming and Stoneybrook is having a huge community event that everyone is psyched for. However, Dawn cannot shake her depression that she has been hinting towards for several books now. She misses her dad, Jeff and California and wants to go home.

She blurts this out during a particularly fun and sweet family moment and completely kills the mood. But, relatively quickly, everyone just adjusts and before you know it, Dawn has a ticket for a six month trip back to California.

After that, Dawn starts struggling because it seems like everyone is fine with her leaving. Then she starts to really enjoy life and starts thinking she is crazy for wanting to leave. She goes back and forth for awhile, but eventually gets on the plane. Also, all the BSC members and all the kids they babysit for have a going away party for her.

While all of the back and forth is going on, everyone is preparing for Run for Your Money, a big community event against a neighboring town to raise money for charity. It is a huge event with a million events, and teams got to sign up for whatever they wanted. Each family has a team, and then the BSC has a team, of course. Stoneybrook ends up winning, obviously.

Takeaways
Stoneybrook has more community events than any town I've ever heard of. No one should ever bitch about being bored there, there is literally something going on every weekend.

I think Dawn is so so selfish with this whole six month trip. Like seriously. You are "so close" to your mom, but you can do this to her? Also, why not just go for like two weeks and get a California fix? Or wait for a school break like a normal person?

To be honest, this book was pretty dull. Dawn is sad, Dawn is excited, Dawn is sad again. Everyone is sad she is leaving, but kind of fine with it.

Also, MaryAnne doesn't really cry that much in this book, which is weird.

Best Character
I would say Dawn's mom is the best. It has to be killing her, but she's just like "okay, here's your ticket."

Worst Character
Dawn is pretty selfish, so we'll go with her.

#66 - Maid Mary Anne

Timeline
Summer after their 3rd 8th grade year.

Plot
MaryAnne is on this kick thinking she is selfish and self centered, so she is making a valiant effort to be the most giving person in the world. She takes the kids she is babysitting to visit that goddamned goat from the last book, she ends up meeting the goat's neighbor, Mrs. Towne. Mrs. Towne is really good at sewing and making quilts, so she and MA decide to work out a little side hustle - MA will pay MT to give her sewing lessons. It works well until MT gets hurt; she falls and breaks an ankle. She ends up in the hospital for awhile. MA spends her every waking moment helping her, and then MT is all "hey, rather than pay me with money, how about you work off the cost for your lessons?" so then MA feels even more obligated. MT starts calling all the time, and MA ditches all her friends, and Logan, and club meetings to be at her beck and call.  Her friends are starting to get pissed (she leaves two meetings in a row to run and like, move something out of a closet for MT).

In the meantime, MA has started a "sewing class" for the neighborhood kids. Some girls and two boys, Nicky and Buddy, take the class. They decide to make a quilt for Mrs. T, and the kids are all fucking pumped. Nicky and Buddy start getting made fun of because they are acting like girls and sewing, so they quit and start doing more manly things. Then they realize that the kid making fun of them is just a bully who will make fun of them no matter what, so they rejoin the class in enough time to finish the quilt.

MA finally grows a pair and tells Mrs. T. she needs to stop taking advantage. Mrs. T admits she didn't really need help, she just wanted MA to come over because she is lonely. They make up.

The end.

Takeaways
The visiting hours at this hospital are from 4-530p and 7-830p. Um...that must be an 80's thing because visiting hours now are whenever the hell you want. Also, when I was in the hospital for my neck I can't imagine if I had been alone all that time.

Mrs. Towne is in the hospital and decides to stay a few extra days. Um. Nope. Or maybe insurance was more relaxed back in the 80's, but there is no way in this day and age you could treat a hospital as a hotel.

It is summer in Stoneybrook. The kids are out of school. I 100% don't believe that they would all be so pumped to sit inside and sew.

Dawn whines her ass off throughout this entire book about how Connecticut is not California.

Best Character
MaryAnne wins, because she honestly tried really hard to be a good person, she just gets taken advantage of.

Worst Character
There are a couple. Mrs. T's son, who can't seem to ever make it to Stoneybrook to help his mom. The bully who bullies Nicky and Buddy. And that fucking goat, because anytime it is mentioned in a book it will be the worst.

#65 - Stacey's Big Crush

Timeline
Spring of their 3rd 8th grade year. It's time for the SMS Spring Dance!

Plot
Stacey's math teacher announces in class one day that a student teacher from the local community college will be coming in to teach for three weeks. Stacey is disappointed because she loves her math teacher and assumes the student teacher will be a huge lame ass. However, color her surprised when she walks in and a Tom Cruise lookalike is standing there! She instantly falls in love and starts being RIDICULOUS. She only wears dresses she thinks he will like (his name is Wes Ellenburg, by the way). She adds "jokes" to her homework so she doesn't seem like a nerd. Then Wes acts like a blind moron and not only asks Stacey to stay after school and help him get organized, but also he drives her to the BSC meeting.

After that Stacey completely goes off the deep end and writes him a LOVE POEM. Which she hand delivers and then waits for him to read in front of her. He is awkward and tries to just be like "yep, nice poem." He is kind of standoffish for a few days, but then he gets all excited when he finds out he's getting a good recommendation and tells Stacey and is all like "this is a big secret" so then she feels all important again and thinks there is a chance for them.

Sam Thomas asks her to the spring dance and she turns him down because she thinks she is going with Wes. At the dance, she asks Wes to dance and he says yes (?!?!?!?!!?!?) but then when the music changes to a slow song she is all "oh good, a slow song, let's rub up against each other" and that's when he is FINALLY like "Okay, Stacey, you are fucking 13 and I am 22. Not going to happen." So she is all heart broken.

While all of this is happening, Dawn and MaryAnne are goat sitting for their farmer neighbor. They make a welcome sign, make a goodbye sign, take it on babysitting jobs and cry when it leaves - did I mention this is a FUCKING GOAT?

The end of the book is just Claudia and Stacey, walking home from the goat goodbye party, being sad.

Takeaways
Stacey puts jokes in her math homework. What the fuck.

Wes is literally there for like three days when he is "so unorganized" and needs help. Nope.

I cannot handle the girls and this fucking goat. 1. The goat can't read your signs. 2. YOU CANNOT TAKE A FARM ANIMAL ON BABYSITTING JOBS!! I cannot believe they think it's okay to do this. 3. It's a fucking goat! Goats are gross.

There is so much wrong with Wes's schooling that it drives me actually crazy. Now, I may be sensitive to this because I work in higher ed. But several things...1. Wes is supposedly getting his masters in education. At a community college. Community colleges typically offer two-year associate degrees or certificate programs. 2. Wes would not be student teaching if he were earning a masters degree. He would have done that in his undergrad. 3 Now, at one point in the book it says Wes is recieving his masters degree, and then a bit later it says he is finishing up his Bachelors. Okay. Well, whichever degree it is student teaching it would have been for an entire semester, not for three weeks. 4. While student teaching, it's pretty rare that the actual teacher would just disappear.

Best Character
Dawn and MaryAnne's parents, for allowing a fucking goat to stay at their house.

Worst Character
That fucking disgusting, good for nothing, smelly ass goat.

#64 - Dawn's Family Feud

Timeline
I'm assuming it's still spring of their 3rd 8th grade year. They get a random four day weekend - maybe spring break?

Plot
Dawn's brother Jeff comes home for a visit, and the family has exactly one good day together before everything falls to shit. There are three days where the girls still have school, the mom has to work and so Richard takes the days off to hang out with Jeff. Richard (a grown male) and Jeff (a 10 year old spoiled child) have nothing in common, so they struggle. Then the family goes on a four day trip to Boston, and it's terrible. It's like they are taking two separate trips, because Dawn and Jeff basically refuse to hang out with MaryAnne and her dad. For some reason the parents go along with it, until they are like "no, fuck this, we are a family and we are doing things together today." So on the last day of vacation, they finally spend the day together.

Then they get home, and it's Jeff's last day in Stoneybrook (after he threw a fit and tried to demand to be sent back to California, to which his mom said no). The parents have hired a photographer to come over and take family pictures, and everyone is a dick about it. Finally the photographer shows them the terrible pictures where it is obvious everyone hates each other, and then everyone laughs and they make up.

The side story is that Mrs. Barrett (whose first name is Natalie, which I believe we just found out) is dating a new guy named Franklin DeWitt and they try to combine the families - the three Barrett kids and the four DeWitt kids. It doesn't go well until Shannon and Claudia babysit them all and make them realize how much more fun they can have if they just get along and play together.

Takeaways
Dawn is on a four day "vacation" and writes like 20 postcards to her friends - like multiple postcards to the same person. And they are all bitching about MA and Richard. Like 1. why do you need to write postcards when you will literally see the people within days and 2. why would you write to your mutual friends and bitch about MA? and 3. Why would she write to Kristy, of all people, and bitch about MaryAnne? Kristy is always going to side with MA, and she doesn't really like Dawn anyway.

Jeff is the worst in this book. He gets super pissed at his friends (the Pike triplets) because they play baseball and not soccer (soccer is so cool in California), he is rude to Richard, and he is awful to MA. Then when they are literally walking to the car to go to Boston, he decides he would rather go to Washington DC, and he is all "we have to go to Washington DC". He is a spoiled jerk.

In Boston, they basically separate and have two different vacations. What I don't understand is WHY did the parents deal with that? Why weren't they like no, we are going this, no questions asked. I can't imagine being on vacation as a kid and being like "nah, I don't feel like doing that" and my parents being like "Well, one of us better stay with her." My parents would have been like "don't care, come on." Like in this book, they are deciding where to go for dinner and they pick a place and then Jeff is like "nah, I don't feel like it, I just want room service" and his mom is like "well, I guess I'll take him back to the hotel". So stupid. He's fucking ten. You make him do things.

The Barrett's and DeWitt's plan a big family outing, and Mrs. Barrett HIRES A BABYSITTER to come along. Why?! You can't handle your own family, you need a babysitter to come while you are going to be there? So weird.

Best Character
Probably Shannon and Claudia, for figuring out how to make the DeWitt/Barrett kids get along.

Worst Character
The fucking spoiled rotten Jeff.

#63 - Claudia's Freind Friend

Timeline
Spring, 3rd 8th grade year.

Plot
First of all, the actual title of this book is Claudia's Freind Friend.
Claudia is in danger of failing English, again. If she fails, her parents will make her quit the BSC, again. She discusses the problem with her friends, who decide they will tutor her. Stacey volunteers for the first shift, and she is super bossy and strict. Claudia is very put off by her. At the next BSC meeting, Stacey announces to everyone she will be Claudia's only tutor, to keep things consistent. Everyone agrees that is a good idea. Claudia is not happy. Stacey makes Claudia keep a journal that she can correct. Claudia not only keeps a journal for Stacey, but she starts a private journal so she can bitch about Stacey.

Also, Shea Rodowksy has recently been diagnosed as dyslexic. His mom calls the BSC and asks for a tutor, to which the girls agree. When Claudia is baby-sitting (not tutoring), they do some homework together and they click well because they both have problems learning. Shea tutors Claudia just as much as she helps him. The next time Mrs. Rodowsky calls, she says she wants Claudia to be Shea's only tutor.

Obviously, the two journals get mixed up and Stacey reads what Claudia says about her. They both realize they are being dicks and apologize to each other. It's oddly anticlimatic.

Also, as a weird side story, the girls start getting notes at the BSC meetings. They are very tame, saying things like "You are nice." All the girls think their boys are sending them notes. But it ends up being some of the BSC charges, who plan a little celebration for them.

Also, there is a weird, community spring dance that everyone goes to.

Takeaways
At the spring dance, Claudia and Shea dance. It's kind of weird. Like, he's only three years younger than her - they could totally date later.

Also, at the celebration, he slips Claudia a thank you note, and he signs it "your freind friend, Shea". Which Claudia saves in her jewelry box. I don't know. It just seemed weird, like they might be into each other.

I feel like if Stacey and Claudia were really such great friends, Claudia could have been like "dude, you are being a dick. Stop treating me like I'm stupid." Rather than writing it all out in a journal, which obviously would be found. Even if it wasn't found by Stacey, your friends are in your room three times a week rifling through all your shit. Someone was going to find that journal.

There is an entire chapter where Kristy is coaching her softball team and babysitting at the same time, so she has to like watch a one year old and a ton of kids. That just seems very unsafe.

Best Character
I honestly don't know. Maybe Shea, because he helps Claudia even though he really doesn't have to.

Worst Character
No one is really "The worst" in this book. I mean Stacey kind of sucks, but Claudia is extremely frustrating. I guess Mary Anne wins this one, because when the notes start appearing she actually starts crying because she thinks it is Logan sending them. Like her boyfriend of over a year would be like "You are nice."